rituals

I received a beautiful invitation in the mail in response to registering for the upcoming memorial service.

Something has changed within me because I have not an ounce of dread – in fact, I can’t wait to go. It makes me feel cared for that someone somewhere crafted this beautiful invitation:

Memorial Service
May 12

The ending of a pregnancy can cause much sadness and leave you experiencing a wide variety of emotions and reactions. Some in our society may not recognize the significance of a pregnancy loss and therefore deny the validity of your grief especially when the loss occurs in the early months of pregnancy. For many the loss of a pregnancy means the loss of a baby… the loss of hopes and dreams.

To acknowledge this unique loss, the Health Region Pregnancy & Infant Loss program would like to invite you to the Silent Hopes Memorial Service. This service will include the internment of ashes from ended pregnancies. The purpose is to provide a meaningful ritual to recognize your pregnancy loss and the impact it has had on your life experience. We hope that this program will provide you with comfort, healing, and inspiration.

We would like to invite you and your family and friends to participate in this service.

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Clarifying update: I’m in no way sayin’ I’m aok with this. I still wish the reasons I need to go never existed for me or anyone else that will be there. I still skip group therapy regularly, and I chicken out of grieving most days. I continue to be too tender to maturely deal, but this memorial service – it’s something I want, something I need, something I look forward to. I just hope I’m not thinking it will be the magic wand that makes me “all better”…

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4 thoughts on “rituals

  1. That’s beautiful, gypsyhick. Yet another reason why I need to move to Canada (on top of the 1,342 other reasons I’ve discovered so far).

    I hope the service is all that you want and need it to be.

  2. My next door neighbor is an RN, and we actually talked about this ceremony. Her unit is across from pediatric ICU (and I have another RN friend who works in that unit). She told me of a volunteer organization that simply does beautiful things to help women grieve and work through this kind of loss. (Umm…I haven’t read your background, because well, it’s my first time here. However, I this post send a pretty clear statement as to where you are.)

    I want to say I’m so very sorry for your loss. (I know you must get tired of hearing that…I did….with all five of my lost children…don’t get me wrong, it does help, but after a few weeks…you want to stop feeling sorry, or at least I did.) Don’t confuse wanting to stop being sorry, with actually jumping that hurdle.

    So, I guess I just don’t know what to say…so, all I will do is say that there is a woman on the other side of your screen who shed a tear for what you have gone through, what you are going through, and what you have left to go through.

  3. In advance: I may not be able to post or email you on May 12. I’m landing in Paris that day, and between the time difference and the jet lag, and the fact that I can’t be sure when and if I’ll be able to get to an Internet connect, I just don’t know.

    But I will be thinking of you. I promise.

  4. There is a graveyard, in Japan, I believe, that is devoted entirely to unborn children. They hold regular memorial services there; they have shrines and meditation pools and it’s very, very beautiful. I’ve heard from a few people how important it was to them to go (a friend of mine saved up for years, just to go to this garden, to participate in a memorial service for her wee one).

    Of course it is important. You have lost someone dear to you, and you need to grieve. My thoughts will be with you. It will be a difficult service, and a difficult weekend.

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