this coffee will probably taste like ass

this coffee probably tastes like assAnd on the flip side of that Iron Chef Camp competition…

Somewhere in the late 90’s, I lost that special spark. No matter how I caress the beans, filter the water or choose the most perfect type of maker, my coffee is just NOT GOOD. This morning I’m making a second attempt at getting it right. The dreadful sound of water splashing on a hot burner had me walking back into the kitchen, deeply sighing and resolved to the fact that again, I have failed. My hands hurt from trying to control the gushing liquid spreading over the counter, the sizzling burner as the grounds and brown coffee-like fluid bounced, the continuing sputtering and gagging of the maker even after it had been unplugged.

It was the Yellowknife trip that I realized that it is completely possible that everyone I know has been polite enough to just nod and smile and gulp back the putrid fluid that I have served up as coffee. In the northern campground in July, Sasquatch and Nosaj grimaced and exclaimed that my coffee tasted like ASS, and Diamond simply commented that it tasted exactly like my coffee always tastes. Which, apparently, is ASS.

Beware the brew I serve you, peeps. Better to lick my dog’s butt than drink my swill! Come only yee who are brave and truly in love with me!

Has is *really* always been this bad??? Really?


One thought on “this coffee will probably taste like ass

  1. Welcome home.

    And yes. Your coffee tastes like ass. But it’s nothing personal – I had coffee at the Four Seasons in Boston a few weeks ago, and *it* tasted like ass. All of it does. I love the smell of fresh-roasted beans, I love coffee ice cream, I love the idea of drinking coffee… and the actual experience is just a horrifying disappointment, every time.

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