It’s Wednesday and I have much important work that I should be muttering over and making important calls about, however, I Just. Don’t. Want. To.
Instead, let’s look at some of the things in my cubicle.
1. See my pretty toes? Ha ha – it’s FILTHY under that nail but you cannot, able-eyed viewer, confirm this fact because it is painted pink. Yes, I am still amazed at this camouflage technique. I plan to shove my entire garden under that nail later this evening and then see if the children next door notice the plantlife blooming from underneath. They’re very honest children. They’ll tell me if my toes remain deceptively pretty.
2. This gargoyle is wearing my tiara. When I’m in a snit and have decided that Negotiation Is Futile, I don the tiara and kick some arse. It’s only happened twice in two years, and once was during a tug-o-war competition, so all’s pretty peaceful around here.
3. The Husband just avoided a collision with a badger. He is also not wearing his safety sandals as, once safely away from the scene, he flicked open his cell phone while driving to advise me that he just avoided a car accident. With a badger. Which is odd because we were just yesterday discussing badgers as The Creature That Freak Us Out. The Husband was once trapped on the roof of a car in the middle of a city by a very pissed off badger. Although, even if you knew him, you’d be surprised at the amount of times he’s found himself trapped on the roof of a car.
4. Speaking of Creatures That Freak Us Out (and I was, just above), we are not a brave people. We pretend to be brave. We volunteer for things that would require bravery. Many people actually think we are brave but they are WRONG. It is hard to admit this weakness even when trapped in one’s backyard at midnight with The Husband, The Dog, and Oneself and realizing the only thing barring entrance into the house is a KITTEN…
Sure, that kitten was hissing and spitting and really really pissed off and got even more freaky if we came within three feet. It *really* freaked out if the dog even looked in her direction. However. It was a KITTEN. They represent soft tissue and cuddliness. And there we were, confused and plotting to find a way back into our domicile without coming within attack radius of the wee furry animal. We eventually found a towel (yay for not cleaning up the backyard!), threw it over the cat, ran the bundle across the courtyard, then ran quickly away from the pile of towel kitty.
That didn’t have anything to do with my cubicle here at work except that the original badger call came in while I was sitting in this cube, and that started the whole digression.
5. I wrote another miffy letter from my work PC. I do that quite a bit. The Husband rolls his eyes and inquires who I’ve been wronged by now that I must express myself. I’ve written to candy makers, pork producers, political candidates. Behold, an exerp from my latest communication:
“Dear Foreign Vehicle Import Lobby Group;
I just wanted to advise that I spotted your lobby sticker “Like My Ride? Why doesn’t the Government?” on the back of an interesting looking vehicle. I have since been to your website as indicated on the sticker, and understand that your group would like the government to allow foreign vehicles older than 15 years imported into Canada.
I’m unsure if your message was appreciated by those caught behind your vehicle as it was difficult to breath, much less read your sticker, through the THE BLACK CLOUDS OF SMOKE pouring out of the vehicle’s tail pipe.
All I could think while being bathed in stanky oil smoke was “NO – I don’t like your filthy ride!” Possibly you should reconsider your advertising technique? Or was this some sort of complex work of sarcasm and irony?
Environment (and nifty vehicle) Loving Gypsyhick”
6. I tried to hold out but I find this entertaining thus have decided that you will find it entertaining as well. Here’s a dog thing:
While in Yellowknife, we ran across a family of dog-mushers. They race sled dogs. REALLY. They have 30+ dogs that they raise and train for endurance-testing races such as the Iditarod. I was so impressed that I picked up a pack of their Dog Trading Cards. Each card has the dog’s parentage, role in the race, personality and race statistics. Denton even went back and got me their (the HUMANS) autographs on their respective cards.
And with that, Wednesday is over and it’s time to go home and see if The Dogs have destroyed the kitchen while I’ve been here not working.